Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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