How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
