people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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