put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
