Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
