Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were destined to go to rehab together
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
