my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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