i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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