this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
