i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
