so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
