I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
