Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
