I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
