I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
