she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
