Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
