it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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