last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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