hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
