My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who died my cat blue again?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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