After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
