hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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