I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
