I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
