like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
