I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
