READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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