Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
