1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
