Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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