I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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