Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
