So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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