What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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