are you still at the devil's house?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
