Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
