Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
