Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
