My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
