Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
