maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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