My nipple is on Facebook.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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