It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
