its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
