I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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