Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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