I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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