WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
