How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
