If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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