I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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