there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
