Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
